“If you want to be successful, you must respect one rule: never lie to yourself.” – Paolo Coehlo
I have a confession: for most of my life I was much more comfortable being in the background.
I hid in my life – who I was, what I thought, what I really liked. It’s not even that I was doing this intentionally; it just became familiar to me so it was a natural role for me to fall into.
I tried my hardest to the fit the mold of who I thought I *should* be rather than who I really was.
But as I’ve gotten to know myself better it required me to get really honest with myself about who I am and what I wanted to do in the world; it required me to stop hiding.
My mentor recently said to me, “You can’t be big when you’re playing small or hiding.”
And I have big intentions so no more playing small or hiding for me.
Here’s a hint: if the word should shows up frequently in your vocabulary, ie: I should be with this type of person or I should have this type of career, you are likely being influenced by outside opinions rather than listening to what you really want. Bottom line: you are getting in your own way.
One of the biggest ways this played out in my own life was in my career. I thought I *should* have the big corporate career when deep down I knew that my place in the world was to help people as a life coach. I tried to fight this for a long time but it always came back to the fact that coaching felt like absolute freedom to me, while the corporate world felt draining even though I thought I *should* be able to just deal with it.
The biggest hurdle I needed to get past was myself – my own judgments of not following the *shoulds*and feeling uncomfortable for a little while as I unlearned this idea of needing to fit in.
I started to see how fitting in actually wasn’t comfortable. I felt worse, not better when I played this role. And this role actually stemmed from the fact that I was scared to step out into this new person because of what I thought others may think.
But at the end of the day, like most things, this actually had nothing to do with other people and everything to do with me. The only person that was really stopping me from being who I really am was – ME.
I was getting in my own way. A lot.
I was judging what I really wanted to do because I was worried that others would judge it. Funny how that works, huh?
But, while I didn’t have the power to change others opinions on anything, I did have the power to change my own beliefs about my *shoulds*.
Are there ways that you are judging who you are and what you really want to do? Or, are you falling into the *should* trap like I was? Make a commitment to stop trying to change others opinions – let them be who they are. The only opinion you need to change is your own.
Stepping into who you really are as a person and what really lights you up can be scary – terrifying actually…
But, you get out of your own way by changing the only person you can – yourself.
And that comes down to trust.
Trust yourself enough to know that:
- You are your best advisor – those feelings you have about something you are meant to do or what really lights you up are real. Follow them.
- You are exactly where you need to be.
- You have the power to change anything in your life – it just takes the decision and commitment.
Trusting in yourself builds confidence and from that you are able to step out in new ways in your life that may have once seemed impossible.
It may feel uncomfortable at first but the freedom and joy you experience by learning to let go of others opinions and trust yourself is well worth it in the long run. It’s absolutely necessary if you are standing in your own way.
And the more you step up in your life and learn to trust yourself the more you start to see that you were the person you’ve been waiting for all along.